I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
