omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
