Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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