Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
