I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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