Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize