I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
