He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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