the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You took a bar mat shot.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
