i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
