I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm passing your future prison.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
