oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
