She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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