Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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