I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
