he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
