I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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