Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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