I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
