I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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