that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
