Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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