I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
