i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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