Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize