i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
