Will you blow on my dice?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The Olympian is in my bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
