today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
