yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
