My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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