I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
