Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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