I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
