I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
