you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
