Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
