I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
