this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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