Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
