ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
