You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
