woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
