well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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