After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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