the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
