Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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