Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
