I need help removing her.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
