You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
