Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
