living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
