ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
