Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
