If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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