I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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