ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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