dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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