He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
