During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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