Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
