i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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