Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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