Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Semen is not good for contacts.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
