Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize