my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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