I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
