I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
