Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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