ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
