i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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