It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize