I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
