what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Still dying that you shit outside
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
