I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
