is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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