she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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