Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
