can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
