Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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