Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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