Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
