I'm so fucking centered right now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
