hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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