The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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