i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
