i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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