Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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