Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
