not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
