I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
